If you’re reading this article then you’ve probably gone online to shop for therapists and seen that many of us offer a “non-judgemental space”. It's completely understandable that you want this, and I hope you find the therapist you're looking for.

However, I don’t claim to be non-judgemental, and I think I should explain why.

The term "non-judgemental" tends to evoke for me a certain sense of coldness or distance; when I hear the term, I imagine a polite folding of a therapist's hands her lap with a subtext of, "I'll withold from judging you by not having an opinion in the first place, and for that I have to feel uninvolved in your story". I've experienced that non-judgemental approach, and it feels safe, but cold.

On the other hand, I've also experienced a strong contrast: non-judgement but in a completely different way. It's so very different when your therapist responds to you with an enthusiastic "Oh, that experience! Tell me all about it! What was it like for you?"

See the difference? While a therapist's job is to not judge, the second therapist of those two helped bring me out of myself far more effectively than the first.

The second therapist's entire vibe was of emotional safety, but she'd clearly experienced similar issues to me, so how could she not have had judgements of her own? At other times, when I described experiences to her that she wasn't familiar with, she'd say, "I've never been through that, but it sounds intense/painful/[insert general descriptive word here]. What was it like?" And just like that, it felt like she was going to take my words in, discover for herself how they felt to her, how she would feel if she found herself in the same situation, what her opinions would be, and yes, her judgements on the whole situation.

That sense of open engagement is what I aim to create with my clients: a therapeutic alliance born of curiosity. But I don't think saying "I offer a non-judgemental space" does a good job of encapsulating that sentiment, so I decided to write this article about it. I hope it's illustrated what I wanted to say.

If you're curious to read a full profile of my professional journey and statements as a therapist, you're more than welcome to check out my Counselling Directory entry. It goes into quite a lot of detail about what I offer.

Photo by Katrin Bolovtsova at Pexels.